Co Dependant Quilting

A reader asks "Shadechaser, I've noticed that marriges-in-atrophy commonly have discernable themes that can be traced back years to the courting days. Could you comment on this, preferably with a homey metaphor since it IS the Christmas Season?"

My readers are my most precious commodity, and far be it from me to not take suggestions from either one of them. Sure, I'd be happy to.

Marriages in atrophy can be thought of as an emotional patchwork of frozen patterns. Take co-dependency:

The marriage starts off amiably, but a pattern is developed early on, sheathed in good intentions. The wife acquiesces to make the husband happy. Or this, she believes, is her motivation. Doesn't want to rock the boat with him, better to take her husband's position in things and make him happy than come out with her own opinion and risk having conflict, however minor. So there is peace, or at least the appearance of peace. Problem is, as the pattern matures over the years (gets more emtionally embedded in the relationship, subtler, a living breathing entity that has a mind of its own) it darkens. The husband feels closed off from his wife; there is a subtle sheath between them; he is never getting the straight goods - naked honesty - from her. When he brings it up, she, of course, acquiesces and promises to try harder - but this is an endless loop for her.

So we have both of them:

Contracted, confronted, contracted, confronted. Constant in and out, but no FORWARD.

Take this pattern, add years and lots of fetid Id-Bits, and you have a nice, many threaded emotional patchwork you can throw over the marriage. It is equally effective at keeping things comfortable while cloaked; warm but detached; safe but muffled.