Seagull flies outside the window, and I mistake it for a helicopter.
Not as absurd as it sounds, if you include the context - which is that said window is 24 floors above street level and that we live in the shadow of coastal mountains, and the collective exhale of those mountains creates a bridal veil of mist between there and here.
Thoughts of physics and light refraction and cognitive processing flood me as I settle into the fact that it is a bird. From there, how I should best spend my time to really, REALLY see what is going on in the world around me; how it all starts here, with me, and if my perceptual slate is not clean, how can I know myself and how can I help others?
Pez up, brother.
And I do. It's a monster Pez, this, so big that it cuts off the oxygen going down, it cuts off the life force going down, it fades me to ...
outside experience, where I realize that the images of self imolation in the ingestion of this were just that - images that I was watching.
Get it?
Me here. images there. Separation. Realization of separation, release.
Back to the computer, several hours of productive and non-productive activities braided together into a pyschic rope that leads me to Otis and the world beyond and THAT world beyond is
Hold it, world beyond. On the commute now, and trip up on the verbiage.
Pez up, brother.
And after the spirtual gag reflex subsides, I see
language is frozen thought, thought was that the world is beyond.
Separation, realization of separation, separation dissolved, release
...released into space of relationship, where the duality is so pronounced it's like emotional branding...
eyes, contact, move away (pez up!); anxiety, tension, move away (pez up!), distraction (from what?, pez up), qualification, judgement, pez Up!
And finally, like meditation where realizing I am away actually brings me here, the duality wave peaks get closer and closer together till I can hop from one to another to another, then lie down on them and BE the essence that only appears to bridge - because there is nothing to bridge and sleep into dreamless sleep which, upon waking, turns into another concept that separates and boundaries itself from me. Or I from it.
Pez up.
Showing posts with label distance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label distance. Show all posts
Monday, March 23, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Inside Outside
It's all paradox.
He got it, _really got it_ , on a Tuesday afternoon walking from the store to his car, which, as grace would have it, was several blocks away.
The last moment he would know zipped up experience, twinkled, and winked out of existence. This was life, of course, not death. Time wasn't there anymore (of course it never had been); judgements ceased to exist (judgement meant difference, difference meant distance, distance meant space and time, and none of that was here). True to Genpo Roshi's analogy, the mind kept on churning out thoughts like the stomach secreted acid. But now, well NOW. He was here. Is here. Presence. Watching the thoughts come and go.
As he made the walk back, everything was at once the same and startling new. He was at the place where enlightenment and non-enlightenment were inseparable, because there was no difference; sensations rained then showered; crimson purples and lilac epiphanies all a glorious dance in now-here (so close to no-here) and tears streamed and arced and exploded in floral brilliance and the sky turned and the ground sang all of the mantras were ever becoming one because they were one and
The door closed behind him and contraction set in, so quickly it made his head spin. Which was confusing, because that presupposed movement, and up until the time he had entered the car, that whole pesky movement - distance thing was a part of the past oh SHIT! Time was clearly back, the language showed it now there was past again and he desperately wanted the experience back.
Time out, chachi.
Yes?
Step out of the prose for a moment.
Ok, what's up?
Well, you've gone seriously south here. And before you start, I'm your creator so I can talk about time and space if I want.
Fine.
So what's with wanting an experience? That's separation AND desire which is more separation and on top of that you are wanting to 'get' a state but you know - or at least you KNEW just a few minutes ago (when there wasn't time) that all of that dissolved in awareness, you simply were, there was nothing to get.
Right, and I get that.
Intellectually, right?
Right.
Almost more than intellectually, I can remember what it felt like, I just don't get why it disappeared when I got back in the car.
I can help with that.
And help I did, easy enough at this layer, simply reach into the monitor, pull the protagonist out via the scruff of his neck ala kitty momma and BANG he's outside the car and back into the backless.
How's it feel?
A kaleidoscope. No need to want wildness or drugs or booze or experience or feeling better or worse or anything. Everything wrapped in time and separation has fused, zipped, and twinkled out. It's all good. How else could it be?
Nice to see you back, but here's the thing - how do you handle getting back on the bus. Or in your case, back in the car?
Well, to start with, in and out are...
Don't worry about Lucknow disease, I'm god here, I get it.
Cool (smile). There's nothing to do when I'm back IN the car. I see how I was contracted, but that's gone, dissolved, i AM what watches that whole game now.
Cool (pluck, into car)
And the whole thing starts over again. A little attenuated this time, but the same presenting symptoms.
(Pluck out of car)
(Pluck into car)
You know, I think that this is basically making him carsick (literally) but it's sure given me a picture of very, very personal Samsara.
You mean the wheel that I need to hop off on?
Why yes, little protagonist, that.
You mean this one? (Pan up, notice many spired wheel over protagonists head, with whole galaxies and ghosts realms and heavens and hells all storming in a funnel cloud over his head and...
now this is strange.
Is it?
I've reached in before, but never had anything come back out of the monitor before
Any last words?
And with that, I see with Meister's eye that is god's eye looking back at me
Protagonist and I touch hands on either side of the monitor and there is silence as we both merge back into that which was there all along.
You mind if I wrap up now?
Don't mind if you / I do.
namaste.
He got it, _really got it_ , on a Tuesday afternoon walking from the store to his car, which, as grace would have it, was several blocks away.
The last moment he would know zipped up experience, twinkled, and winked out of existence. This was life, of course, not death. Time wasn't there anymore (of course it never had been); judgements ceased to exist (judgement meant difference, difference meant distance, distance meant space and time, and none of that was here). True to Genpo Roshi's analogy, the mind kept on churning out thoughts like the stomach secreted acid. But now, well NOW. He was here. Is here. Presence. Watching the thoughts come and go.
As he made the walk back, everything was at once the same and startling new. He was at the place where enlightenment and non-enlightenment were inseparable, because there was no difference; sensations rained then showered; crimson purples and lilac epiphanies all a glorious dance in now-here (so close to no-here) and tears streamed and arced and exploded in floral brilliance and the sky turned and the ground sang all of the mantras were ever becoming one because they were one and
The door closed behind him and contraction set in, so quickly it made his head spin. Which was confusing, because that presupposed movement, and up until the time he had entered the car, that whole pesky movement - distance thing was a part of the past oh SHIT! Time was clearly back, the language showed it now there was past again and he desperately wanted the experience back.
Time out, chachi.
Yes?
Step out of the prose for a moment.
Ok, what's up?
Well, you've gone seriously south here. And before you start, I'm your creator so I can talk about time and space if I want.
Fine.
So what's with wanting an experience? That's separation AND desire which is more separation and on top of that you are wanting to 'get' a state but you know - or at least you KNEW just a few minutes ago (when there wasn't time) that all of that dissolved in awareness, you simply were, there was nothing to get.
Right, and I get that.
Intellectually, right?
Right.
Almost more than intellectually, I can remember what it felt like, I just don't get why it disappeared when I got back in the car.
I can help with that.
And help I did, easy enough at this layer, simply reach into the monitor, pull the protagonist out via the scruff of his neck ala kitty momma and BANG he's outside the car and back into the backless.
How's it feel?
A kaleidoscope. No need to want wildness or drugs or booze or experience or feeling better or worse or anything. Everything wrapped in time and separation has fused, zipped, and twinkled out. It's all good. How else could it be?
Nice to see you back, but here's the thing - how do you handle getting back on the bus. Or in your case, back in the car?
Well, to start with, in and out are...
Don't worry about Lucknow disease, I'm god here, I get it.
Cool (smile). There's nothing to do when I'm back IN the car. I see how I was contracted, but that's gone, dissolved, i AM what watches that whole game now.
Cool (pluck, into car)
And the whole thing starts over again. A little attenuated this time, but the same presenting symptoms.
(Pluck out of car)
(Pluck into car)
You know, I think that this is basically making him carsick (literally) but it's sure given me a picture of very, very personal Samsara.
You mean the wheel that I need to hop off on?
Why yes, little protagonist, that.
You mean this one? (Pan up, notice many spired wheel over protagonists head, with whole galaxies and ghosts realms and heavens and hells all storming in a funnel cloud over his head and...
now this is strange.
Is it?
I've reached in before, but never had anything come back out of the monitor before
Any last words?
And with that, I see with Meister's eye that is god's eye looking back at me
Protagonist and I touch hands on either side of the monitor and there is silence as we both merge back into that which was there all along.
You mind if I wrap up now?
Don't mind if you / I do.
namaste.
Monday, March 2, 2009
The Want's Needs
Different, this time.
I had grown to the size of the mountains, crouched down with river systems tickling the bottom of my feet and was generally in a pretty good mood, apart from the yearning.
Yearning is distance - from this to that. Distance implies difference - between this and that. Distance and difference can both be reduced into a a-spiritual roux, that when ingested and eliminated can focus on what IS. And on some level of course, this was the root of roots.
On another level, I just wanted to get high. Really high.
Flipped the switch from rational to the space between not-rational and rational, a desert zone whose bereftness was perfectly suited to these times; when the animal yearning howled like a wolf, piercing the ear drums and bringing a razor sharp focus to the Want.
Knees poppped as I pressed myself up to standing and breathed deep.
Doh! It was in my best interest to remain somewhat aware of my surroundings - which could still be done in the desert zone. As long as it didn't get too personal or introspective. Case in point...I spit out what I thought were a couple of mite-sized no-seems or the like, and watched as their grey and white carcasses spun down through the sun into the woods and water below. Not big on taking life where I could avoid it (and given my size, there was clearly a lot that was NOT avoidable), clearly I had failed the grade here. One of the gnats piqued my attention just before it went down my village sized gullet - a distinct salty flavour. THIS made me look at another one which I had smacked on my forehead, and ... well long story short, seagulls were the mites paying the ultimate price for my absentmindedness.
Swore to myself I would be more careful for the rest of the morning, but that was before I saw the inlet.
My vision was a sharp as my size was enlogated, and as I took two thunderous steps (which skewed geological data right down into Washington state where several plateless tremors were registered and puzzled over), I was hooked.
The want was there before me in sharded beauty. Sun had bested the clouds and was illuminating the water east to west, and the carpetted universe of life running through it took my breath away. The bigger creatures - only a couple here this morning - killer whales out for a foray - stood out, but the rest just formed a massive, seething underwater community - a net of life that could never be captured, or even cognized, but could be recognized and breathed and, well, I thought, smoked.
Four steps down to where the inlet narrowed, and I was ready to begin on the Want's needs. Clouds had come over the sun a bit, and I lost a bit of depth perspective (literally). Easily rectified - I reached up and plucked the sun between my first finger and thumb and brought it close to the surface of the water which allowed me to see EVERYTHING. The closest I can come to describing it would be a massive kelp farm, which, as one got closer, decomposed into things that just made up the green pattern, which, as one got closer, turned out not to be as much green as things that made up the things which made up the pattern which was interpreted as green.
I flicked the sun into a long arc back up onto it's perch, cracked my knuckles, and started to roll the inlet up into the largest fatty unimaginable. Brought it to my lips and inhaled and then
The desert flooded, the Want was sated, but the Want and the desert and all the gaps between this and that were flooded with life, but beyond life,
Everything, was flooded by
Everything
And I looked down and saw myself become a reverse tsumani, body becoming self becoming water; me becoming everything flooding everything, into and of the wild as
swoosh
one.
I had grown to the size of the mountains, crouched down with river systems tickling the bottom of my feet and was generally in a pretty good mood, apart from the yearning.
Yearning is distance - from this to that. Distance implies difference - between this and that. Distance and difference can both be reduced into a a-spiritual roux, that when ingested and eliminated can focus on what IS. And on some level of course, this was the root of roots.
On another level, I just wanted to get high. Really high.
Flipped the switch from rational to the space between not-rational and rational, a desert zone whose bereftness was perfectly suited to these times; when the animal yearning howled like a wolf, piercing the ear drums and bringing a razor sharp focus to the Want.
Knees poppped as I pressed myself up to standing and breathed deep.
Doh! It was in my best interest to remain somewhat aware of my surroundings - which could still be done in the desert zone. As long as it didn't get too personal or introspective. Case in point...I spit out what I thought were a couple of mite-sized no-seems or the like, and watched as their grey and white carcasses spun down through the sun into the woods and water below. Not big on taking life where I could avoid it (and given my size, there was clearly a lot that was NOT avoidable), clearly I had failed the grade here. One of the gnats piqued my attention just before it went down my village sized gullet - a distinct salty flavour. THIS made me look at another one which I had smacked on my forehead, and ... well long story short, seagulls were the mites paying the ultimate price for my absentmindedness.
Swore to myself I would be more careful for the rest of the morning, but that was before I saw the inlet.
My vision was a sharp as my size was enlogated, and as I took two thunderous steps (which skewed geological data right down into Washington state where several plateless tremors were registered and puzzled over), I was hooked.
The want was there before me in sharded beauty. Sun had bested the clouds and was illuminating the water east to west, and the carpetted universe of life running through it took my breath away. The bigger creatures - only a couple here this morning - killer whales out for a foray - stood out, but the rest just formed a massive, seething underwater community - a net of life that could never be captured, or even cognized, but could be recognized and breathed and, well, I thought, smoked.
Four steps down to where the inlet narrowed, and I was ready to begin on the Want's needs. Clouds had come over the sun a bit, and I lost a bit of depth perspective (literally). Easily rectified - I reached up and plucked the sun between my first finger and thumb and brought it close to the surface of the water which allowed me to see EVERYTHING. The closest I can come to describing it would be a massive kelp farm, which, as one got closer, decomposed into things that just made up the green pattern, which, as one got closer, turned out not to be as much green as things that made up the things which made up the pattern which was interpreted as green.
I flicked the sun into a long arc back up onto it's perch, cracked my knuckles, and started to roll the inlet up into the largest fatty unimaginable. Brought it to my lips and inhaled and then
The desert flooded, the Want was sated, but the Want and the desert and all the gaps between this and that were flooded with life, but beyond life,
Everything, was flooded by
Everything
And I looked down and saw myself become a reverse tsumani, body becoming self becoming water; me becoming everything flooding everything, into and of the wild as
swoosh
one.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
No separation means...
...a surprisingly less-complicated life.
And that seems to be because wants, needs, desires fall into the separation category. When separation is seen to be illusory, it swallows the needs, desires and wants like neutered leatherback, folds back into the silver waters of awareness, and vanishes.
Some examples:
I listen to Badlands by Springsteen, and am taken to a core level of Holy Ghost revival meeting joyous Being listening to it. The desire comes to the surface of awareness, teeth shining, maw gaping. I should be doing music. I should be creating this kind of joy for myself and others. I have an ability that I should be harnessing. The beast is full out of the water now, I am thrashing my gear back and forth, but it is gobbling the heavy line like candied dental floss, eyes bulging and shining at me.
and then
No separation. I am not on this side and Bruce and my talent on the other side. We're all the same stuff, dancing on the surface with all of our needs, wants, desires, watching them pop up and dissolve again like a beautiful, effulgent circus game made up of a sheet of silver awareness.
There's no should. Just a realization that I can enjoy Bruce. Just enjoy Bruce.
Same thing with my need every night to have something to look forward to. Again, that suggests space, distance, separation. There is none.
I started playing with the idea of just showing up at home with no agenda every night, being fully present and seeing where it would take me.
Freedom.
namaste
And that seems to be because wants, needs, desires fall into the separation category. When separation is seen to be illusory, it swallows the needs, desires and wants like neutered leatherback, folds back into the silver waters of awareness, and vanishes.
Some examples:
I listen to Badlands by Springsteen, and am taken to a core level of Holy Ghost revival meeting joyous Being listening to it. The desire comes to the surface of awareness, teeth shining, maw gaping. I should be doing music. I should be creating this kind of joy for myself and others. I have an ability that I should be harnessing. The beast is full out of the water now, I am thrashing my gear back and forth, but it is gobbling the heavy line like candied dental floss, eyes bulging and shining at me.
and then
No separation. I am not on this side and Bruce and my talent on the other side. We're all the same stuff, dancing on the surface with all of our needs, wants, desires, watching them pop up and dissolve again like a beautiful, effulgent circus game made up of a sheet of silver awareness.
There's no should. Just a realization that I can enjoy Bruce. Just enjoy Bruce.
Same thing with my need every night to have something to look forward to. Again, that suggests space, distance, separation. There is none.
I started playing with the idea of just showing up at home with no agenda every night, being fully present and seeing where it would take me.
Freedom.
namaste
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