Inside Outside

It's all paradox.

He got it, _really got it_ , on a Tuesday afternoon walking from the store to his car, which, as grace would have it, was several blocks away.

The last moment he would know zipped up experience, twinkled, and winked out of existence. This was life, of course, not death. Time wasn't there anymore (of course it never had been); judgements ceased to exist (judgement meant difference, difference meant distance, distance meant space and time, and none of that was here). True to Genpo Roshi's analogy, the mind kept on churning out thoughts like the stomach secreted acid. But now, well NOW. He was here. Is here. Presence. Watching the thoughts come and go.

As he made the walk back, everything was at once the same and startling new. He was at the place where enlightenment and non-enlightenment were inseparable, because there was no difference; sensations rained then showered; crimson purples and lilac epiphanies all a glorious dance in now-here (so close to no-here) and tears streamed and arced and exploded in floral brilliance and the sky turned and the ground sang all of the mantras were ever becoming one because they were one and

The door closed behind him and contraction set in, so quickly it made his head spin. Which was confusing, because that presupposed movement, and up until the time he had entered the car, that whole pesky movement - distance thing was a part of the past oh SHIT! Time was clearly back, the language showed it now there was past again and he desperately wanted the experience back.

Time out, chachi.

Yes?

Step out of the prose for a moment.

Ok, what's up?

Well, you've gone seriously south here. And before you start, I'm your creator so I can talk about time and space if I want.

Fine.

So what's with wanting an experience? That's separation AND desire which is more separation and on top of that you are wanting to 'get' a state but you know - or at least you KNEW just a few minutes ago (when there wasn't time) that all of that dissolved in awareness, you simply were, there was nothing to get.

Right, and I get that.

Intellectually, right?

Right.

Almost more than intellectually, I can remember what it felt like, I just don't get why it disappeared when I got back in the car.

I can help with that.

And help I did, easy enough at this layer, simply reach into the monitor, pull the protagonist out via the scruff of his neck ala kitty momma and BANG he's outside the car and back into the backless.

How's it feel?

A kaleidoscope. No need to want wildness or drugs or booze or experience or feeling better or worse or anything. Everything wrapped in time and separation has fused, zipped, and twinkled out. It's all good. How else could it be?

Nice to see you back, but here's the thing - how do you handle getting back on the bus. Or in your case, back in the car?

Well, to start with, in and out are...

Don't worry about Lucknow disease, I'm god here, I get it.

Cool (smile). There's nothing to do when I'm back IN the car. I see how I was contracted, but that's gone, dissolved, i AM what watches that whole game now.

Cool (pluck, into car)

And the whole thing starts over again. A little attenuated this time, but the same presenting symptoms.

(Pluck out of car)

(Pluck into car)

You know, I think that this is basically making him carsick (literally) but it's sure given me a picture of very, very personal Samsara.

You mean the wheel that I need to hop off on?

Why yes, little protagonist, that.

You mean this one? (Pan up, notice many spired wheel over protagonists head, with whole galaxies and ghosts realms and heavens and hells all storming in a funnel cloud over his head and...

now this is strange.

Is it?

I've reached in before, but never had anything come back out of the monitor before

Any last words?

And with that, I see with Meister's eye that is god's eye looking back at me

Protagonist and I touch hands on either side of the monitor and there is silence as we both merge back into that which was there all along.

You mind if I wrap up now?

Don't mind if you / I do.

namaste.

No separation means...

...a surprisingly less-complicated life.

And that seems to be because wants, needs, desires fall into the separation category. When separation is seen to be illusory, it swallows the needs, desires and wants like neutered leatherback, folds back into the silver waters of awareness, and vanishes.

Some examples:

I listen to Badlands by Springsteen, and am taken to a core level of Holy Ghost revival meeting joyous Being listening to it. The desire comes to the surface of awareness, teeth shining, maw gaping. I should be doing music. I should be creating this kind of joy for myself and others. I have an ability that I should be harnessing. The beast is full out of the water now, I am thrashing my gear back and forth, but it is gobbling the heavy line like candied dental floss, eyes bulging and shining at me.

and then

No separation. I am not on this side and Bruce and my talent on the other side. We're all the same stuff, dancing on the surface with all of our needs, wants, desires, watching them pop up and dissolve again like a beautiful, effulgent circus game made up of a sheet of silver awareness.

There's no should. Just a realization that I can enjoy Bruce. Just enjoy Bruce.

Same thing with my need every night to have something to look forward to. Again, that suggests space, distance, separation. There is none.

I started playing with the idea of just showing up at home with no agenda every night, being fully present and seeing where it would take me.

Freedom.

namaste