Early 40th bd for sistah Marci - check.

Pre-Nanaimo latte ingestion (PNLI)

Hill day. Ran ( where to run means to gritfully trot) our building 3 x 25 floors = 75 floors of quad burning fun. Great challenge.

Having an Olympic bathroom break. (C) royalbank coca cola 2010

Reading George Berkeley whilst the rain drums the windows. Waiting for my daughter's choir to welcome the Olympic torch.

Nice 6.5 km barefoot run; almost but not completely electronically nekkid.

Beaker's Ballad
http://ping.fm/WtCJA

A to B

Wonder if they have a Chevron card

At the VSO with Calvin. Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue next up.

Heard from Stephen. Jeanette made it through the surgery fine.

16 km with Marci, 1 hour 50 mins. Nice 4 km *hill* to finish.

Getting ready for a 2 hour run with my sis.

UBC engineers mischief pending? Red 'E' on the mermaid statue off the seawall spotted on yesterday's barefoot 10 km.

Tim Horton's at Canada Place is officially the safest java joint in the world for the next month.

IMG00765.jpg

On the dole

IMG00760.jpg

Mmmm....testing corporate website changes...

Basics of Self improvement

54 floors of stairs cross training. Real McCoy, no machine.

The Greatest Trick in the World

Studied and steeped in legerdemain's fare
Eyes reddened maps of the rote
Tips' toughened callouses borne of the cards
And the coins and the billiards and rope

Ne'er swallowed by mystery whole and complete
Ne'er torn from the rational's shore
Good and the true and the beautiful were
Always sampled, ne'er tasted or worn

Thrown from the manifest naked and red
Suckling from suffering's breast
Bottle was proffered, unbroken and sealed
Only opened at end of the quest

Wraith within offered wishes galore
Or a single manuscript curled
Gifts of the flesh or the mind or the spirit
Or the Greatest Trick in the World

Manuscript chosen, unfurled and read
'The world transformed with these words'
Koaned satori shredded flesh from the spirit
The manifest a shimmering blur

Forty years aft one foot still in the world he
Stepped into the manuscript's folds
Untethered his heart and dissolved in the draft
Of the borderless-borderland's hold

The Trick he was promised was finally fulfilled
As he looked at effect without cause
The world transformed through the words on the script
Hadn't changed, just shimmered with what *was*

Going Deep

Some people like to go down there for a taste now and again
Accidental tourists in the deep spots

Where lilac and ochre currents spiral, form,
Motivate
Disspate

Others don't like it
Too dark
Shapes and shadows
Obfuscate
Occlude
Frighten

Then, me.

I live for going deep.

I *want* to know your story
What makes you tick
What you *think* makes you tick
What is *aware* of what makes you tick
What Is.

Without that depth, you can have:
Rationality.
Or Rationality plus an Emotional Framework.

Thing is, Rationality is subject to collapse.
Better put, as an object is it subject to it's own disollution from whence it came.
You know, the Subject.

Science = How
Spirit = Why

Why does the tea kettle boil?
Science: because of the heat acting on the liquid....
Spirit: because my heart just broke and I needed the salve of tea and ritual.

My continual searching has grated Ipup.
But as dbm highlighted tonite, it's part of who I am.

What a dialogue tonite.
The buffet of gifts that god has given us
Love, beauty, truth

Things that dbm might not feel comfortable talking about with others
But is ok talking about with me

Because I like to go deep.
And he *is* deep.
Love that man.

Namaste

10 km barefoot 50 mins 15 seconds.

Mmmm. Snow pea crisps.

Pulling Taffy

Writing the novel that might never be is interesting this morning:

With some space around the process, I notice different threads of energy and activity:

• The imagination pipe, which rivers in the images and aesthetics and going ons from the Magic Place to here.
• The mechanical space. Have to take the imagination and transform it from river to stream; the rules and MRUs and goals and character bits - they are the shorline, giving the context
  
• The architectural space. The strategist works here, copying and pasting and moving and arranging

I can be free or stuck in any one of these places. Freedom is losing track of time and just doing. Stuck is tension; giving up; frustrated at the final and tied into ego.

Observing without words takes a lot of certainty out of the world. It's nice.

Coffee and Kiloby; caffeine and depth of wisdom that can only come when answering from THAT.

Exit

Late tempo-ish run

New Vancouver Bayshore Freedom Fence, (c) Vanoc 2010 'do you believe?'

Barefoot time.

Then and Now

Anticipation of awakening
Three years ago
Swelling like an electric bubble
The feeling of being in love in the heart
But without an other.

In love,
Of love
Love

But becoming

Dynamic tension of the relabsolutive

Staffing worries and hospital IT projects
And SSRI levels dictating personal foibles
In the day-to-day
and
Energy being secreted by geraniums in a flowerbox by a house noticed after the car was parked
and
The walking in a field
My form appearing as if from a mold pushed into the absolute hovering ten feet above me
Like a Jerry cookie cutter pushing through a spiritually viscous energy but not cutting
Pushing - like a pushpin frame that produces concave projections when pushed

To this morning
Thinking that not-thinking is easy:
De-label

Stop words, and the thoughts, images, and sensations just come and go.

For at least 2 seconds - but it does seem like longer.

Apparently, Vanoc is downsizing the event

That's nice: Firearms for Jesus http://ping.fm/J8T4k

Relabsolutive

Relabsolutive

Eyes straight ahead, yet looking down
Pause-city of breaths
Holding it
Now

Now
Letting it go
Analysis, of the commute and entry
Into the work world

Turn the monitor sideways
And see the cityscape that the words make
There, between two buildings
I wait

Mired in dread and terror
Of demon ghosts that never existed
Or ever will

And others, more substance but still
Ghosts of the absolute

I'm in the relabsolutive
Occasionally, thankfully
Dissolving out of me into
I am into
I-I
to
I

Purgatory

20 km barefoot 1hr 56 mins

Frosty start to the week's long run

Even impermanence is fleeting.

Festering Glory

Hungry mouth, here <.>
Mawing and pawing from the inside
Nervous shards of silver energy
Graying the cells in a terrified dance.

It might move up into the arms, or down to root.

It could do any number of things
But any of them, *any* of them
Happen within awareness

That stillness that I can almost physically feel
Almost aurally hear

As I tune to that space, interestingly, the mawing and pawing

Has turned to love.

Best tshirt ever: "stop continental divide"

I love the manly, hourglass look the Garmin heart rate monitor gives me when I run.

Life sure gets simpler when all of the 'me's' get out of the way.

15 km barefoot 1hr 22 mins

15 km barefoot 1 hour 22 mins

Carbo-ed, gps-d, metronom-ed, and hitting the track. What's the run gots for me today?

Warm yellow line=warm commute

Oh my *gawd* Magnum.

Nice sunrise

Back Again, I Am

20 minutes rest, was the body ready before the mind, or the mind before the body?

Feel brighter and more attendant to work.

Before I got up off of the chair, some translucency:

Feet up on the window-ed table in front of me, eyes closed, head back on the chair 'looking' up.

Remembering that there is no boundary between inside and outside.

Even now I remember the feeling of transluscency from other times. Eyes closed, between a dream and waking, pictures so clear I could 'see'. Aware at some subtle level of the lids closed, but equally aware that I didn't need them open to see.

namaste

Dragon-slothed, I Am

Not completely bottled in, but close
Dragonsloth came on the heals of the plate of pasta
Eyes now heavy, I turn the attention within

Now I'm touching the space behind the tiredness
The place from where the tiredness came, and will return to
Identification is only held there briefly, then the pyschophysical pull is too strong
And I'm tired again

Need a nap.

Awake, I Am

Realization's thread: I am not a person
Comes as a thought but is felt this morning
No decisions, no choices, no heaviness of doing,
Just the lightness of being

Remembering Tolle: the insanity of the world when experienced as a Me
Instead of The Now

Walking to my cublice as Harding: headless, space, openess

Realizations thread is co-opted by thoughts and ME even as it is spun
But the thread around the Thread is transluscent

As Jason pointed now: to sounds, which are always in the present

So whole, pure, and purposeless
When I'm awake-Awake

But what when Dragonsloth hits? Or worries?
Or worries then Dragonsloth?

Even the incantation of Dragonlsoth's name brings the familar tug-of-tired
To the eyes.

Event after event after event
(Infinite-1)"If Only's"

This.

The last half of alvin is surprisingly bad

Just dozed thru the first half of alvin and the chipmunks

First stomach acid of the new decade

Last candy run of the decade

Last obsessive compulsive ritual of the decade

Last personification of the decade

Last over-branded opverpriced over-barista-ed coffee or the decade

10 km bf in 58 mins. Deserted, rainswept seawall. Weak kneed Willy today, but caught my mojo back at 7 km.

Last run of the decade!

For the record post 17b: Dreams of Earthquakes

I have had repeating dreams of earthquakes in months (years?) gone by. Me, standing in an office building (similar to the one I now work in), swaying with the building back and forth. And a downtown core quite decimated. Not totally - say 60%, with large columns of cement resting in front of entrances, and a city turned on its ear.

Hope I'm wrong!

8.5 kms barefoot 46 mins. Nice concierge came out to see if I 'needed help'...and a French visitor gave me a delicious 'impossible'.

If I count as an adult, it's a healthy 4 to 1 ratio on the ferry back from Nanaimo.

Spot the moon

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For the record, BCFerries staff do not take kindly to people singing "My Heart Will Go On" when waiting to order in the cafeteria.

11 km barefoot; 1hr 36 seconds. Feet by Mez, distance by Garmin, moonlit track by Gaia.

Boxing day

Silent shrouded forest with four legged friend

Catastrophically overfed and watered

Game on.

Tub, epsom salts, sandalwood and Barker's metaphysics

Stuck on train 5, five minutes out from downtown due to a "police incident." Free reading time yaaay!

Entering mall-gotha. The (shopping) place of the skull. Many, actually, all for purchase with other treasures of the holiday season.

9 km on the treadmill. According to the tertiary voice in my head, I'm getting younger!

1024x768 http://ping.fm/RYl4E

1024x768

Somewhere towards the start of night
Is where the run began
Shards of crimson tears shed by
The despot's neutral hand

No need there just primal urge
As moon begat the race
No finish line, no goal, no path
Nor god, nor science, nor grace

Distance clear; mountains, fjord, glen, and rivers wide
Alchemied through vector's fire
Two dimension ride

Ghosts appeared and - serpents -
And the cards of lovers spent
Spilled cups and sallow siren songs
And broken covenants

Breath pulled down
To cinnamon depths
Where dreams wetnursed
The missed

That rose in spider's fingers
To the lips - parched, cracked, and pursed

The final line towards final shire
Boundary hard and warm
The muse, the mountain, artist left
Once again unharmed

Then lay your rose on the fire, the fire gives up to the Sun; The Sun gives over to splendor, in the arms of the High Holy One. -L. Cohen

Parker Mesner Christmas

"All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone." -Blaise Pascal

sleep?

closer than you think

Over here!

9 year old wearing a green acdc xmas shirt for this part of the concert. Me likes.

Jogged to the concert with child on shoulders. Jogged back to get 2nd child. Now xmas concerting.

Working on it

stupid ocd

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Chilly run

2 degree barefoot run starting...now

Enlightenment is the recognition that there is no difference between the enlightened and unenlightened state. Dr. Greg Goode

Several of my exterior xmas decorations are threatening to organize if I don't give them danger pay.

Xmas lights, phase two. Power grid failure defcon 3.

First Patriarch seen entering Baskin and Robbins for... an Ice Cream Koan. (courtesy my fellow Fenner-ites)

Salved

Entering silence

Could I *be* more uptight?

Grateful