That summarizes tonite's sit; watching the breath.
Several insights: my sleepiness is both physical as well as a gatekeeper. It keeps the self going; rallying against it to stay awake I am resisting what is. Going with the flow puts me in a stupor or asleep. Its there; Dragonsloth; keeper of the passages to source behind the fog of drowse.
In and out. Fading in and out with my eyes half open; I think they remain half open, but DS hits and I literally see images from a dream in front of me and then
I'm back and it's good and I'm clear for a couple of seconds and then
I'm coming out of a picture show
Dream fading into wake fading into dream.
Sleep is my koan - both from an advaita vendata teaching perspective, as well as dealing with it day to day, and within the day, minute to minute when it hits.
Breath - the out was long and thin, the in short and round with a flat bottem; then changing so the in was long and the out short and light. These corresponded with thoughts and changes interior-ally, but I can't rememer what the they were.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Action item: Use Mozart's Requiem as personal theme music when I am making coffee or doing laundry. http://ping.fm/BF9Ok
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Sort of, and Not Really
A shitty day that has blossomed well.
Connections made ~ the path of awakening does show points of integration; bloated stomach and plugged ears from swimming are not just isolated events, but indicators of what's going on in my whole me.
The insight that I project my shittiness onto those around me. THEIR actions are what's pissing me off. THEIR shortfallings, and then, as my bitchiness becomes more transparent, even the understanding that it's not them but that's how it FEELS anyways.
And the long slow, inexorable taper into the non-dual. It funnels down after a nap and reading Radiant mind that it can all come back to two legs of my triangle - expansion, contraction.
Great point from Peter Fenner in the reading today - simple pointer back to Source - do I like or dislike what I am doing right now?
Recognition that Source can be identified as the place where like and dislike don't exist. Or co-exist in their non-existence.
Connections made ~ the path of awakening does show points of integration; bloated stomach and plugged ears from swimming are not just isolated events, but indicators of what's going on in my whole me.
The insight that I project my shittiness onto those around me. THEIR actions are what's pissing me off. THEIR shortfallings, and then, as my bitchiness becomes more transparent, even the understanding that it's not them but that's how it FEELS anyways.
And the long slow, inexorable taper into the non-dual. It funnels down after a nap and reading Radiant mind that it can all come back to two legs of my triangle - expansion, contraction.
Great point from Peter Fenner in the reading today - simple pointer back to Source - do I like or dislike what I am doing right now?
Recognition that Source can be identified as the place where like and dislike don't exist. Or co-exist in their non-existence.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
No boundaries
Sometime today, the conceptuals of no boundaries dissolved into simply no boundaries. Cars were beautiful on my ride over to Dunbar. They weren't objects being witnessed; there was no distance, no boundaries. They were what they were, but as Greg Goode describes it, everything was a sweetness. For me a warm sweetness.
Opposites dissapeared; memories of thing from the past were just ... there. Even now, when I think of forgiveness, it's kind of a neutral non-event. What is there to forgive?
Everything coalesced ... headless seeing, and beyond experience, just being with everything else just being.
So beautiful its almost heartbreaking.
I went in and spent a few minutes with the kids and relatives; before I went in, I was wondering what woulld happen when I got out of the car (moments of lucidity for this wanderer have always seemed to couple with motion - walking, running, driving). When I came out again, it was just a re-engagement with what was there. Not on off, more of a returning.
Always returning.
Dogs, skunk smells, memories of 3:00 mornings riding to work at a bakery. Desire for nightime activities - something to look forward to - maybe it's still there, but the pull around it has dissolved.
It seems experience-less, it is what it is.
It felt very much like a big awakening tonite, but in many ways the most natural thing in the world.
A picture of me being pulled from awareness like taffy; and from that perspective it's easy to see it as awareness looking back at itself.
Death as a non-event; the experiences dissolve; awareness remains...as they said ...where is there to go?
Tired now, even talking at home has a sweet choiceless awareness around it.
I should be worried about whether 'this' will last, but I'm not. Kind of feel it's good to have a written record as it could be forgotten by tomorrow. Or not.
namaste
Opposites dissapeared; memories of thing from the past were just ... there. Even now, when I think of forgiveness, it's kind of a neutral non-event. What is there to forgive?
Everything coalesced ... headless seeing, and beyond experience, just being with everything else just being.
So beautiful its almost heartbreaking.
I went in and spent a few minutes with the kids and relatives; before I went in, I was wondering what woulld happen when I got out of the car (moments of lucidity for this wanderer have always seemed to couple with motion - walking, running, driving). When I came out again, it was just a re-engagement with what was there. Not on off, more of a returning.
Always returning.
Dogs, skunk smells, memories of 3:00 mornings riding to work at a bakery. Desire for nightime activities - something to look forward to - maybe it's still there, but the pull around it has dissolved.
It seems experience-less, it is what it is.
It felt very much like a big awakening tonite, but in many ways the most natural thing in the world.
A picture of me being pulled from awareness like taffy; and from that perspective it's easy to see it as awareness looking back at itself.
Death as a non-event; the experiences dissolve; awareness remains...as they said ...where is there to go?
Tired now, even talking at home has a sweet choiceless awareness around it.
I should be worried about whether 'this' will last, but I'm not. Kind of feel it's good to have a written record as it could be forgotten by tomorrow. Or not.
namaste
Monday, August 3, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
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