Gods ATM

It wasn't your fault,  I hope you realize that.  I was bound to come across it sooner or later,  as everybody seeker is.  To be honest,  you were pretty oblique in your description anyway.   I believe your exact words were "Choose your Gods carefully" - and that wasn't exactly giving the farm away.

I trusted you,  always have at the root level,  but some part of me couldn't help go looking for it anyways.  At first I thought it was God,  then the lack of God, then the lack of the lack of God I was looking for.  Years in the making,  and only describable by double-double negatives, metaphors, and things that take you to the edge of the infinite diving board and make you cannonball in.

Then,  the dark nite of the soul,  surrender,  and a dog paddle through the absolute. I had my hit,  and starting jonesing for more.  Seeking and Finding and Finding the Seeker 101.

The peaks and values of the relabsolutive continued to get closer together,  and on one starry nite,  I spotted something on the next mountain over.  I decided to jump and there - dusty but ready for business - Gods ATM.

There's no point in dishonesty,  it was spiritual mainlining.  No card needed,  just a touch screen display to dispense any God I wanted.  And I wanted them all.  Great Monotheistic Pillars,  Pantheistic Gardens populated with Fairies and Bearded Beaded Bodhisattvas, even an Arena I could put them all in and let them do battle.

What I didn't notice of course, was that there was a payment system involved here; for every path explored,  every guru pedestal-ed,   every I-centered prayer offered to the God du-jour,  there was a lessening of me.  The ultimate debit and credit system.

Ever the addict,  I played to my last id-bit,  put that in,   fell back and watched the watcher take it all in:

Tradition and culture and systems and love and compassion and mantras and devotionals and intellect all dissolved back into the ATM,  which tumbled down the mountain into that from which it - and everything else - had come from.  Lot of other swimmers there tonite - some holding their breath,   some diving deep,  some half in and half out,  and some just...being.

So thanks for your words,  they were part of the impetus that helped me discover that no amount of trying could ever get me here,  but that I would never get here without trying. 

And since I AM here now,  I think I'll go for dip.

Namaste.