My Trinity

Appear to be contraction, expansion, or the place where both meet - end; start; collapse into each other. Headlessness; void; suchness; isness.

And with this trinity, all is formed.

It all gets so confusing, but the simplicity is alway there, supporting it all.

Confusing how, shadechaser?

Start with the name, which, if I haven't explained it before, is borne of running, not (at least obviously) from some metaphysical darkness chasing. Literally out, running hot (with shoes on at that point - 7 or ten years ago, down Bryne road, dancing from tree to tree, melting in the sunlight, rejoicing in the periods of cool redemption under the trees.

During those runs - all runs - the metaphysician pokes out and has a jaunt around. Sometimes ists just a quick look, sometimes its just watching, sometimes its conducting most of the business of the day. The metapyysician is the Gemini here, expanding boundaries, or contracting them. Freeing and tying; but even the tying is a part of a greater dialectic cycle that propels me forward.

Also, during those runs, especially the longer ones, there are periods of suchness; lids half closed, running for 2 or 3 hours around a track in the wee hours; vision converging on just the line of the track. Just being.

And then, contraction again as I start wanting and desiring and thinking and

the run ends

and there is a physical period of grace; relief at the exertion, satisfaction at the accomplishment, joy at the difference between pre and post run.

So the run delivers suchness, through the mating of expansion and contraction (which is what, on a kinesiological level, the run was through and through afer all).

And the suchness might hang out for the ride back from the track back home. Might even stay for the walk up the stairs. But as soon as I encounter people, the contraction is back.

It's a tight contraction these days, felt in the shoulders as constant anxiety. See saws with the other end of the spectrum, where the dark things lay wait to taint my emotions and number-5 dye my environment - including my optic center - so I am seeing BLUE through all the BLUE that is polluting everything.

Douglas Harding, bless his soul, is giving some relief these days. Turning my attention round 180 degrees and revisiting the vastness, the openess of what I am truly helps.

Also, the groundwork that 10 years of Gestalt nose to the grindstone, which has made me realize that at core, I'm ok.

Just the see-saw tension.

You know, the contraction, that can point to expansion, that can lead to suchness.

My trinity.

Interesting cross to bear.