Islands in the Stream

So, in my kosmic geography (small k, Mr. Wilber, as it's everything in MY existence, which is clearly just a part of the great K Kosmic. Ultimately, there's no separation so there shouldn't be an issue), we have this stream:

(Underattachment in childhood -> search for meaning -> overattachment in first love relationship -> relationship breakdown -> existentialist drowning -> Getstalt dialogue-> Witness!)

Problem is, the endpoint of the stream is a state that comes and goes. When grace reveals it, I can identify with awareness and witness. But then contraction comes like a thief in the night, covers grace like a dark blanket, and I continue on in spite of mySelf.

The Integral Framework provides a map for navigating this topography. I will have states (witness) intersecting with stages in my life. And that stage is somewhere between postmodern and integral. Reaching for 2nd tier, at times touching some of its border lands, but not Realizing enough of what I've tasted to actually move into the new geography and say goodbye to the old for good.

It comes out so clean on paper - just do what it takes to move to a higher stage, continue the practices that will bring true realization of the states, and yowsah, you're there.

But it takes so little to come apart into a deconstructed mess.

Let's listen in, shall we, to the other stream, River Ego, exploring old canyons and inventing new ones in the internal eosystem.

pretty straight forward, all you have to do is take a quadrant approach, balance it through regular practice. simple! booya! Or is it, because the associative path to that is a stream towards needing a community to practice in, that should be a part of the quadrant approach should it not? Sangha? Community? And then you have Cohen and company, who at one glance seem credible and cutting edge, connected with Wilber for Gawd's sake - but on the other hand, just don't sit right at some level. He's violent with his student's egos - and on one hand it's needed but on the other hand, seems to lack compassion. And then what about just meditating and exercising, isn't that enough of the quadrant life to keep me moving, well, that would be without a teacher, and that doesn't seem right, or maybe the teacher is my group of teachers and readings throughout the years.

And through it all, failure. I've tried for permanent changes so many times, and always they have fallen short. Maybe this too has to be accepted, unconditionally.

So many books I've bought and haven't finished that I should finish. Any one of them could be the answer

Maybe that's the thing, maybe they are ALL the answer

But if they were, why would I still be searching and looking for the answer, for my purpose.

Maybe, mayhap, because I have discovered truth but not REALIZED it.

My ass hurts.

Waiter, there's a growth in my free market

Fishing through old blog-land again, this was worth pulling out and taking for a spin.
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Friday, January 23, 2004 Growth in the New Culture

Careful young workers, come heed to my call
The culture they tout is not culture at all
It extends from G-L, it's a tool of the board
When you see it's really quite apalling
So act from your Center and respect HOW you do
For your job, it could be waning

Sorry Mr. Zimmerman.
i
A little idvomit to open up today's diatribe.

Having supported myself for almost 20 years now, and having been introduced to znet and chomsky, you would think I would know better, but I do in fact sometimes still get sucked in.
To be fair, you can't help it to some extent. You start work at a new company, and are treated well - REALLY well. This is the new environment, the new culture, the NEW new culture. One-dimensional business psychology resources flow out of today's company's like emetic remains, and a lot of it sounds convincing. You are empowered, leveraged, synergized. You should hit the ground running, win every moment of truth, realize that your worth is CARED about not because the Company has too but because it has chosen to. You and the company are partners in success, the master-servant rule doesn't exist here. You are a Team Member, an Associate, a Partner. You matter. And because you matter the company matters to you. And the feedback loop continues and powers the new new NEW economy, everybody is satisfied, and everybody wins cause there's lots of money made.

or.

Said growth in the new culture is REALLY growth in the new culture. The germy kind. Sycophantic cells feeding off the gullible.

The easiest way to stay away from too much cynicism is to be realistic from the start.

We live in a flawed democracy fueled by a sometimes-free-market system. It's flawed, but it's arguably the best of several flawed alternatives.

Company's exist to thrive in the sfm system, to give lifeblood to the infrastructures that hold up our democracies. So in the big picture, even the lowliest jobs hold up something worth having. But careful, young buck. Remember, the corporation raison d'etre is not, by nature, to be altruistic. It is to grow and make money.

So if new culture is useful as a tool to promote this ultimate goal, great stuff. But remember, doey-eyed worker - it is just that - a tool.

The company is not beholden to you - no matter how sincere the talk is. Shiny brochures and feel good sessions aside, it's still about profit and loss.

So do what you're doing for the right reason. Realize that your goals are not by definition the company's goals. And that's ok.

My value-realignment recently takes this into account. I now get value out of HOW I do things as opposed to WHAT I do.

It matters not if I am the world's best , it matters that I honestly earn a wage to support myself and loved ones. And it matters HOW I do my work.